"Hey Baby, wanna spoon with me? Wanna' "fork" in the silverware drawer? ( careful how you ask, or it may be Knives Out!" )
The subject of silverware is not a "flat" one, and the lessons of the Silverware drawer are not easily open and shut, but they are definitely something I do "give a Fork" about...
Yeah, pull up a chair there's gunna' be a dose of "Do's and Don'ts" in here about cutlery and what cuts the mustard, and what just cuts the cheese in relationships,
We have a Really hip Psychiatrist to thank for the lesson that actually may help Your relationships.
It actually may have saved our marriage, or definitely helped save me from slicing my fingers off many a time... definitely helped keep me from cutting my nose off, in spite of my face. So... Ready?
So, in most homes, in most kitchens, dare I say in America, over 90% of kitchens have this drawer, a specific drawer, and inside that drawer is a system of, shall we say, dividers...
and within or between these dividers are what we refer to as "flatware" or "silverware"...
and THIS, is the Silverware drawer...
Got one? Ever seen one?
So You know what I'm talkin about here.
Now, inside that drawer, that silverware drawer, are those dividers, segmented sections, partitioned places for...well, for what?!?!
Why are they there?
What purpose do they perform?
Well, tha'ts easy, right?!? They're there to keep the forks and knives and spoons where they belong... forks with forks (usually Long with long and short with short... a kind of "silverware segregation system", you might say...) Let's not go any further and piss people off here, what we're talking here is what we use to set places, not races.
So... "place-setting stuff", segregated by other types that look the type.
Forks with forks, knives with knives, spoons-spooning other spoons...
That's what the drawer is for, right? !?!?
Yeah, Tight!!! Not so fast, my flatware aficionado !
See... not where I live -
I started to say, "Not in MY house", but then I remembered it's not MY house... its OUR house.
OUR home; and that's the morale behind our story here...
Silverware drawers... apparently, well, they're NOT just for organization anymore.
If I came to your house and asked you to show me your birth certificate, would you know where to find it?
Your Social Security card? (Don't ask me, it's in the house somewhere, so technically its not Lost, or missing, its just hiding right now...)
What about a safety pin?
Your spare checks for your checkbook?
he receipt for your Laptop and Warranty?
Howzabout Your 2014 tax returns?
Regardless of how many, or how few of these you could instantly produce without too much digging and rooting around, I bet that if I were to ask you for a Fork, you would know EXACTLY where to go to get one.
Why? Because the system for organizing your silverware is SUPPOSED to demonstrate your organizing principles:
Something along these lines, perhaps;
1. Forks are SUPPOSED to be kept with forks.
2. Forks are SUPPOSED to have a single and consistent home, or space.
3. Forks are put back there after being used (and, of course, washed!).
4. And EVERYONE in the household is in agreement about it.... Whoops! Say that again...that part how Everyone agrees where the forks, spoons and knives reside?
Well not in our house, and for years it brought frustration, fights and tears, yes, tears... because the difference between my wife and myself on the subject of spoons, spooning other spoons, well, it started spats and then frustrating words were spit out, fights were started, wars were waged, and all because SHE just threw all the forks, knives and spoons into the drawer, all "willy-nilly" and "willy-wonka'd" and outta whack! There were spoons "fork-nicating" each other with the perverted little perforated knives cutting in on the dance.
There was no fork file, no spoon segment, and no nook for the knives. They all just got thrown in, in whatever way they came outta the dishwasher.
(Yeah, I know, don't get me started on right and wrong ways to load a dam' dishwasher here, Martha Stewart, just stow it... you're missing the story here.)
See my Wife and I were vastly different here, I like em one way, she liked em another, ..
I liked knowing when my finger tips were at risk from a sharp knife tip, and She... well, She never seemed to care.
Me, I liked what I saw was the efficiency of knowing exactly where a fork was when I felt my way around for it in the dark reality of a midnight munchie march, and She saw NO advantage to segregating the silverware...
Enter, the Psychiatrist. No, we didn't hire one; we're friends with one, and in just having basic discourse, this subject came up, (doesn't everyone talk table-settings with their friendly, neighborhood "Noodle, Soothing, Noggin-Doctor") and the Psychiatrist chose to ask me... He asked "ME", the "normal" person who LIKED an organized silverware drawer... He asked me what was the "why" behind it mattering to me...
I kept my calm, and played along...
I was sure he was just flipping the perspective so SHE ( my wonderful Wife) wouldn't get too defensive when he asked her why She was So disorganized... So I answered his asking for my "why"...
I said, "well its more efficient to quickly get what you want, right when you want it, and its safer than fingering through forks to be surprised by a steak knife..."
I said back to him, "Get the point?"
I guess I got too cute and clever with the cutlery commentary...
Well, I guess I deserved what I got served next...
He said "Are you sure? How do you know its faster? Has anyone ever done a time study on which takes more or less time, taking the time to specifically place each piece in the drawer, vs, the time it takes to search for a piece when you need it?
Hmmmm?!?", he hintingly, hit home!
Oh Crap, I thought... I knew I'd forgotten something;
I forgot to bring my time-motion-study data to this debate... and that was because ... it doesn't exist!
He was right.
And then, the dagger was driven in like a butter knife in between my big spoons...
He said "And besides, its half her silverware too".
And with that, I realized I didn't want to lose half of my... I mean half of OUR silverware, or Half of My... I mean Half of OUR home, or have to lose Her for the rest of ALL of My Life.
It's half her silverware too...
And it's only forks and knives here, and ever since, our spooning has EXPANDED and Improved.
Thanks Doc... you taught me, taught us, the meaning to a happier relationship can be kept safely tucked, or tossed, inside our Silverware drawer.